


Shut Up and Drive

by DropsAgainstTheSky



Category: Wreck-It Ralph (Movies)
Genre: Adult!Vanellope, F/F, Flirting, Philosophy, that's what she said, working on cars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:08:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23423707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DropsAgainstTheSky/pseuds/DropsAgainstTheSky
Summary: I swear Nell's doin' it on purpose.  If she knew how how hard I was crushing on her she wouldn't be saying that shit to me, she'd be keepin' her fuckin' distance.
Relationships: Vanellope von Schweetz/Felony
Kudos: 4





	Shut Up and Drive

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not marking this with the 'Underage' content warning, for reasons that should be clear enough in the story, but if you're squicked out by sexuality in adult characters who were underage in canon, you'll probably want to avoid this one rather than leaving me indignant comments about it.

Nell was always the favorite. 

Shank's had a soft spot for that "princess" ever since she waltzed into Slaughter Race and stole her car. If _I_ tried that I wouldn't end up as the daughter she never knew she wanted--she'd make good on her name and fuckin' stab me. But no, with _her_ , car theft is just this cute misunderstanding and everyone gets to be best friends after.

And it didn't stop. 'Nella's always gotten all the attention, and all the mothering, and all the best upgrades and the biggest races, and I hate her cause of it.

And I have a huge fuckin' crush on her.

I didn't when she first got here, hell no. I'm not a fuckin pedo. But a few years later everyone got texture upgrades for 4k support, and I guess some developer noticed Nell's model looked like a Saturday morning cartoon and updated her. She liked it cause now she can reach the pedals and see over the dash without stretching. I liked it cause she ended up looking like a grown-ass woman--and I know it makes me sound like a creep, but I ain't kiddin' when I say grown _ass_.

Plus, her game came out in '96 which makes her, like, twice as old as I am.

And I guess none of that would matter if she still acted like a kid, but after a few years in this fuckin' game she's stopped staring at everything with wide eyes, and started lookin' at everything with this smirk, like she knows what's going on and thinks it's funny as shit.

And instead of booger jokes, well...

* * *

"Just squirt some lube on it and shove it in!"

I swear she's doin' it on purpose. If she knew how how hard I was crushing on her she wouldn't be saying that shit to me, she'd be keepin' her fuckin' distance. God knows I try to. Don't wanna be a perv.

I don't even know why I said I'd help her swap in a turbo. But shank was standing right there, and I'd get a weekful of stink-eye if I didn't help out the 'new' kid. As if that new kid can't swing a wrench almost as good as I can.

Almost.

I got some pride left at least.

I rub some oil onto the drain fitting and slip it carefully into the block, then look at the bolt that came with it and make a quick guess. "You got the ten mil?"

"You know I do." She reaches into her left hoodie pocket where she always keeps one, slaps the socket wrench into my hand with a smile, and turns around to finish unboxing the kit.

The hoodie is the one thing that the redesign kept, and it's still perfect on her. It has a zipper now, and she always keeps it open to show off her shirt underneath. It's a loose-fitting green and white v-neck, and I'm pretty sure it's the same pattern as her leggings used to be--or one half of them I guess. She got a tight pair of black jeans too and-- _damnit stop staring_. I swear one of these days she's gonna catch me and she'll _know_ and get pissed, or offended, or whatever. Confused maybe?

Hell, she might not even be programmed to know what sex _is_. I mean, she's from that crazy-ass candy game where everyone's like twelve. On the other hand it's from _Japan_ , so... god knows.

The rest of the crew sure knows--horny fuckers the lot of them--but either I'm not their type or they're not mine. Just my fuckin' luck being the only lez in the gang.

She turns to me as I fit the socket onto the bolt. "Careful screwin' that in! Don't want you stripping my block."

 _Great._ Either she thinks I'm an idiot, or she's trying way too hard to get me to say "That's what she said."

I sigh. _God, this was such a fuckin' mistake._

The work isn't hard, just long and finicky. And whoever made this turbo mod didn't feel much need for directions or anything.

Then a few minutes later:

"What the hell are all these nuts for?"

If she means it in the 'that's what she said' sense then it's a pretty good question. I don't got much use for guys or their 'hardware'. But I'm pretty sure she's talking about all the locking nuts that came with the turbo kit.

I turn and see her holding up a bag full of nuts--the kind that go on bolts. "Those are for the downpipe, and the copper ones are for the turbo." I got a feelin' she knows that already though.

"Ok. You'd think they'd put them in separate baggies or something. You know, so you can tell which is which."

She's still smiling, like she knows there's another kind of nuts that come in little baggies. I just gotta shrug and keep on working like there's nothing wrong with what she just said.

Next we gotta take off the intake manifold, and things keep getting worse.

I never really thought about how much innuendo you end up with when you're wrenching. Things go into things _all the fuckin' time_ , and there's lube and bolts and tubes and _holes_ an' shit everywhere. And sure, I've said it a few times when I get a good opening (ha!), but never in front of her. At least I don't think so?

But now we're screwin' the turbo housing onto the intake manifold and it feels like every other thing she says is some kinda innuendo. And I can't stop seein' it.

"This isn't tight enough."

"It's too big!"

"That feels pretty good."

"Jeez, don't blow a gasket!"

"I think that part goes in the bottom."

Somehow I manage to keep a straight face through all of them--at least until her back is turned. Some of them are real groaners--if they were on purpose--but for some of 'em it's hard not to laugh out loud.

One of us has a dirty fuckin mind, and I'm not sure it's me.

After a bit more work there's only one part left to unbag, and I'm tired of doing all this shit while standing.

She must be feelin the same way, cause she sits down on a stool at the bench. Right next to the spot where I was gonna work.

I know I shouldn't feel that eager to sit down next to her. But I'm also kinda sick of having my feelings--or bein' scared of those feelings--say what I can and can't. I _can_ keep my hormones in check and be close to her without making it weird.

So I do.

The idiot who put this kit together slapped a sticker right on the exhaust adapter. That's gotta go, or else it's gonna leave a nasty smell and a big scorch mark when this thing heats up. But I guess I'm an idiot too, cause I just yank it off, and it tears off the top layer. All the sticky gunk is still there, and now it's gonna be a pain in the ass to clean.

"Shit." I drop the adapter a bit too hard on the workbench.

"What, you mess up my new turbo?" she chides.

"No, just..." I pick it up to show her.

She looks way less annoyed than I am.

"We got any brake cleaner?"

 _Duh._ Not sure why I didn't think of that.

Shank usually keeps some on her side of the garage, so I nod and head over to grab some. I hesitate for a second, then sit right back down where I was.

The stools are awful close together. I swear they got even closer while I was gone.

I give the sticker a quick spray. It doesn't work right away, I gotta wait for a minute or two, and I need a rag or something to wipe it off.

Nell hands me one. "Just rub it a bit."

I blush a little. I pray to god she doesn't notice.

"Thanks," I say as I get to work. Sure enough, the gunk starts wiping away like it was nothing.

"Yeah, just like that."

She doesn't say it _suggestive_ or anything but she's looking right at me when she says it, and smilin' a bit too much. _Fuck._ It's been on purpose the whole time.

I finally give in. "That's what she said?"

"THANK YOU! Jeez, I was wondering how long it'd take you to notice."

"Do you even know what that means?" I ask her.

Nell gives me the Most Epic of Eyerolls. "Duuuhhhhhhhh. Shank gave me that talk when I first got here, and again when I got upgraded, after I tried hitting on her. Plus I got the entire Internet to fuck around in while I'm on break--you think the Slaughter Race servers have content filters?"

"Yeah, but you're still..." I trailed off.

She glares at me. "Still _what_?"

I look at her and don't have an answer.

Her shoulders fall. "Everyone's always treating me like a kid. Do you know how much that sucks?"

I half expect her to be angry, and maybe she is for a moment, but after that she just looks defeated.

She leans over the bench and rests her elbows on it, tired, not looking at me. "I told you I liked my upgrade cause I fit the cars better? That was bullshit. I like it 'cause I'm _hot_ now. And I thought _maybe_ people would finally take me seriously. Instead I _still_ get treated like the team pet, like this delicate thing that's too precious for this game. Well guess what, there's a reason I wanted to stay here, and it's not because I'm a pretty little fucking princess."

I half mumble a 'sorry' through my teeth, but lucky for me she ignores it.

"Even Shank does it sometimes. Like what, she thinks I can't install a turbo on my own? I didn't say anything cause I knew you had a crush and I wanted to fuck with you." She looks at me and smiles.

"Or just fuck you."

That last sentence hangs in the air for a moment.

A moment that seems to last several hours.

I know I should say something but... this is _Vanellope_ and she just said she wants to... I'm not sure if I should be excited or horrified, but the server we're on has hyperthreading, so I feel 'em both.

I still don't say anything.

"You _do_ have a crush on me, right?" she asks, finally.

"Yeah!"

As soon as I say it, I feel like a creep again.

"I mean... I think you're attractive, but..." It takes me a few seconds to figure out how to handle this, while she gives me the dirtiest of looks. "I spent all 10 years of my life with people who never changed. Pyro's always been sixteen and totally nuts. Debbie's always been 'little' and she'll still fuck you up if you make short jokes about her. And Shank's always been super-gorgeous and super-strong and tragically straight," I say with a bit of a smile. "We're written that way, and that's how we're gonna be, like forever. You... came here as this cute little kid and now you're _hot_ , and I... don't know how to be. I never met anyone like that before."

I pause and smile a little more. "Except that one time when we visited The Sims."

She laughs a bit--thank god--and I laugh along.

"Poor bastards," she says with a smile. "I wonder if they'll ever figure out why the ladders keep disappearing."

I shrug. "Prolly not. At least they're pretty chill about it."

I think about it some more. "I'm not even sure that's the same, though. Like, they just keep dying in cooking accidents and getting reborn in a different body that matches their stats. But they're still _them_ , just playing different parts.

"But you, like, you've actually grown and changed and stuff. You... you were in the game you were made for and you realized it didn't fit you, and you found a better one. And that's cool. It's really cool! And brave and all. God knows I ain't gonna do anything like that. I'll prolly be in this game til they pull the plug. I guess just I like it too much."

She smiles. "It is pretty awesome. I mean I literally jumped games to be here. But you don't have to change games to be a different person. You remember my friend from the arcade?"

"The guy who crashed our server and everything?" Hard to forget _him_.

She nods.

"He's still in the same game he was when I met him. Probably will be until it gets unplugged. But he's grown. And not just into a giant insecure monster, he's grown _out of that_. And he was a bit of a selfish asshole but then we got to be friends and..."

She trails off for a moment.

"I guess the point is people can grow, and change. _I've_ grown and changed, and I'm tired of waiting for everyone to realize it."

"Okay." I lower my head a little. "Yeah, sorry, I... anything I can do to help?"

"Could you please, _please_ , trust me when I say I know what I'm doing, and I want this."

I try not to look to confused. _Want what?_

I don't even have to ask the question out loud.

She doesn't answer it out loud either. She just leans towards me, puts a hand behind my head, and kisses me.

It's sweet and gentle. You'd think the first one would just be a quick peck but she draws it out long enough for me to realize she's wearing some kind of perfume. Cotton candy, with faint notes of engine grease and rubber.

She moves her head slowly, and our lips brush against eachother. Her hand behind my head supports, but doesn't force anything.

It's the sweetest, most beautiful thing I've felt since I was first initialized.

Then her left hand glides gently down my back, and gives the seat of my pants the slightest squeeze.

And now it's also the sexiest.

She breaks it off at just the right time and sits up again, smiling giddily.

And that's when the feelings of 'what the hell are you doing to her you sicko' come crashing back.

I manage not to freak out.

I lean toward her a bit for a tight hug so she doesn't see my face while I try to figure out what the hell I just did.

Like, she came on to me, right? I'm not being pushy; if anything, _she_ is. Not that I mind. And it's not like she doesn't know what she's doing--the devs sure don't program underage characters to kiss like _that_.

It's still a hard feeling to shake, that this gorgeous woman in front of me is the little girl I showed how to use a grenade launcher eight years ago.

Because she is.

And she isn't.

 _What the hell does it mean to be an 'adult' in this universe anyways?_ I mean, we put adults in Heavy Rain even if they were just programmed last week, but then we keep kids away from sex stuff no matter how many years they've been running. And yeah, there are damn-good reasons for that, but not a single one of 'em still applies to Nell.

 _What'll Shank think?_ The answer to that matters more than anything else. I can totally imagine her being for it. Hell, maybe she engineered this whole thing to get us to hook up. That sounds almost too good to be true, but I'm sure she'll be happy for us. And that gives me the courage to break off the hug, finally look Nell in the eyes, and grin like a lovestruck idiot.

Then something Nell said before comes crashing through my thoughts, Kool-Aid man-style, and I can't help but blurt it out in spite of the moment: "Wait, you tried hitting on _Shank_?"

She laughs. "Yep! Right after I got this hot new body I was... eager to try it out. It took me like a week to get shank alone and then I was all "You're so strong" and "You have pretty eyes". And she was like 'Nope! Time for more sex ed!'"

"Prolly better in the long run," I say.

"Yeah," she says. "'Cuz now I know what I'm doing. You've been virus-scanned recently, right? Let's blow this MySQL stand and find someone with a 'hot coffee' mod."

 _What!?_ My mind races for a moment.

I don't even have the time to realize she's joking before she cracks up again.

"Ha! Just fuckin' with you. You shoulda seen your face, it was so cute."

She pinches my actual fucking cheek, like a grandma.

Then she's quiet for a moment, and looks a bit more serious. "Actually... I think, for once in my life, I wanna take things slow," she says.

And I'm okay with that.

I pick up the turbo housing "We just gonna finish putting this in then?" I ask.

She looks at me and grins as I realize my mistake.

"That's what she said!"

**Author's Note:**

> My mental image of Vanellope as an adult is mostly courtesy of [this drawing by iHomicide](https://ihomicide.tumblr.com/post/38442438023/anonymous-asked-draw-me-vanellope-von-schweetz). I've been working on this piece for a while, and it's really gotten me thinking about how age and adulthood would work in a universe where characters are in many ways static, yet still able to grow and mature.


End file.
